How I Feel.

The combination of very little sleep, a very emotional rollercoaster of a week, and my addiction to 80's movies has left in a really wierd mood. I should be sleeping and preparing for a big day tomorrow but I can't. I feel like crying from odd nostaligia and bittersweet feelings of...nothing. I feel like listening to music, reading a book, making a video, something productive but the actual action seems so terryfying and daunting. I have this ridiculous guilt and self hate because I broke my 4.0 streak and it still kills me to this day. My mind seems so cluttered. I am also happy because I have such wonderful friends who are the best people in my life. But, then I feel ridiculous because of the envy I have for how much better they are at life than I am. I know that each person is unique and has their own personal way. I know that I overanalyze everything and I know that envy is not a good thing. But, this is how I feel.

Laziness becomes Productive

Today I was home alone for the majority of the day. I slept in late, I had a delicious breakfast, I had freedom, and I had the opportunity to relax. This sounds perfect, doesn’t it? However, I realized today that I need structure in my life, that if I don’t have a plan, things will not happen. Today I should’ve made a video, played more than an hour of piano, and completed all of my homework. However, I kept procrastinating. I know that I have to do these things; I just fall into the trap. I have a list reminding me what I need to do, but I barely completed a few assignments, don’t have a video, barely played piano, and succeeded in watching multiple episodes of glee. I’m not even that fond of glee. This has put me in a very bad mood. I don’t know why I couldn’t get off the couch, stop watching the Glee Marathon and just do something. Sigh.


So, in attempts to both procrastinate and fulfill something I have wanted to do for a long time, I’m blogging. I really like lists. Lists allow me to plan out my day, plan out my year, and plan out my life. I have lists for schoolwork, projects I want to complete, and your stereotypical Goal lists. The Goal List is what I’m focusing on today. Recently, a lot have changes have happened to it and it has helped me be more inspired to complete more of it.

Goal List (the more major ones)

Start Youtube Channel (in the process of this one: shaylaluna)

Start Collab Channel (completed! Fiveunknownnerds)

Buy better camera

Make music video

Start Blogging(It’s finally happening)

Attend Vidcon (YES!)

Meet nerdfighters

Start excersizing regularly



I am quite happy with how well this is turning out, and am actually shocked by it. I hope to complete more and continue the projects I have already started. I hope to update this blog at least once a week!